Dear Clients,
Let me tell you about one of the most pleasant weekends I've enjoyed in a long time-
No, it wasn't a trip to New York City, or an escape to Paris with my sweetheart- but rather 2 days sitting around my parents' kitchen table, discussing their estate plan. Let that sink in for a minute…
You probably think I'm joking, and the punchline is waiting for you in a paragraph below, but to be perfectly honest, it had all the right ingredients to be a wonderful, memorable time.
For one thing, it was possibly the first time in decades that the five of us were together like that- my brother and sister and my mother and father, and me. No spouses, no grandchildren. We reminisced about some of our favorite family moments and learned things about our parents we'd never heard before. We savored the familiar flavors of the food we've known since childhood, and the laughter that can only come from a shared sense of humor.
But we were also productive. For that weekend, we all had a purpose in mind- to help our parents with something they'd been putting off because it seemed too daunting.
When it was suggested, I should be the one to call my parents to ask them if they needed help, I wasn't sure what to expect. To my surprise, my father's reaction was absolute relief. Though their estate documents were in place- wills and powers of attorney- they weren't sure what to do about their final arrangements, how to plan gifting sentimental items, and possibly the most complicated- how one would adapt to life if the other got sick, became disabled or passed away. Talking these things out with their children was essential.
With that I tapped into all the resources at my disposal at TD Wealth- sharing topical articles, informative videos, checklists, organizers, and advice from my colleagues at TD Private Trust. But the ace up my sleeve for setting the tone for our first conversation and emphasizing its urgency- a book entitled Advocacy in Aging. Written by former Montrealer Marc Seguin, it's a short read based on his real-life experiences helping his own parents and in-laws with their estate planning. I sent this book to my family a few weeks before our meeting- insisting everyone read it. When we all sat down to get started on that Saturday morning in August, each of us pulled out our copy of the book. Throughout our conversations, we all took turns flipping to our favorited pages- marked up with highlighters and scribbled notes.
On Saturday morning after breakfast, we got to the reading of the wills and powers of attorney- no surprises, other than our realization that we were reviewing copies- not original signed documents. Calling their lawyer about the exact whereabouts of the official documents would be my father's number one priority Monday morning.
After lunch, my parents expressed apprehensions about planning their funerals and choosing a final resting place- no easy task for a couple who has lived all over the country and overseas, throughout the stages of their lives. We went over all the possibilities and agreed they need to reflect on this before making a final decision.
The next morning, we discussed how the work of maintaining a home and the complexities of banking with several institutions could be streamlined to lighten their load. This led to some brainstorming on a few "what-if" scenarios, and finally sharing notes taken throughout our discussions.
Sunday, after lunch and before we all set out in separate directions, we agreed that this is a process- not a "one-and-done" conversation. There are still some important decisions to be made and homework to do. But we got the ball rolling, picked the date for our next meeting, and decided on our next topics of discussion. And just that has done much to lower the levels of anxiety for my parents and empower us to honor our role as executors.
I realize that the idea of getting together with family to discuss end of life planning is probably not the first thing that comes to mind when imagining an ideal weekend, but it doesn’t have to be a drudgery. For me and my family, it was one we will never forget.
Wishing you a happy and colorful Fall,
Regards,
Stephen
